Bye Bye Blackbird

While I was writing memoirs blog about different race same love few years ago, there was a female reader leave me an unforgettable comment.

"I have a friend who just like you, he also couple with malay girl before. But finally he break up with his malay girlfriend and get married with chinese girl. I asked him why he did that? He just give me a short answer : " 受祝福的婚姻总让人觉得好过些。  A blessed marriage is much better for me and everyone." Do you understand why he say like that?"

Yes, I understand.

Marriage which crossing over races and religion never blessed by relatives and family, especially marriage between muslim and non muslim. Objection from family, religion issue, friends discrimination, Family Name issue, and perhaps the statement of Masuk Melayu? Either one of these issue may makes him feels frustrated and get mad.

He stepped back, turn into a normal couple life with another chinese girl then get married. Happy ending for him and everyone that care about. Everyone are clapping hands while he pop the champagne in wedding party, he hold up glass of wine celebrating his largest event with everyone he knows. No one would doubt and weird with their behaviors or should it be?

Being normal is very easy, just live like anyone else.

No pressure and discriminating speech from others.

I have the same story but different ending... Also recalled me that I was written a letter to Shiema, it's not really a letter but just some thought in my mind. Blogging is still very unfamiliar to me at year 2004 : 

Bye Bye Blackbird 

One day I was walking alone on the street. The sky seems so cloudy and dark but it didn't rained. While I was walking, there was a blackbird come from nowhere stop by on my shoulder. I was feeling weird and look at this blackbird.. It seems very uneasy and yelling : " Do you ever know that when you are doing something that everyone not willing to do, you will be called by those people as Stupid! Idiot! Funny! Abnormal! I am really not understand why you willing to be insulted and humiliated also don't want to be part of them, following their lifestyle... Doing the same things like how they did??"

I was smiling and look at this blackbird, I answered him patiently :" Due to I realize what I really wanted in my life, thus I am doing something that no one willing to do. Do you know how much strength and effort it needed to step away from community footstep? I am walking on a path that not even familiar at all... I take my very own steps to walk out from following community perception and linkage, my decision gives me a lot of happiness that they can't get, although at the same time I have been went through a lot of pains that others doesn't feel. However I am never regret at all and keep on my own lonely journey, because I don't care about what others views on me and searching for another kind of very own life... "  

Blackbird was staring at me silently. Then he flew away without a words towards the cloudy sky, he getting smaller and far away from me. I don't know whether he left me because of I am a crazy people for him who never listen to anyone advice, or he feel inspired and chase for different life. I was just look at him fly away... fly away. 

"Do you know this bird have a name?" I asked shiema. 

"Nope..  What's his name?" Shiema was reading my letter beside me. 

I whispered the blackbird name.
"His name is Freedom "

Blackbird, blackbird singing the blues all day Right outside of my door, Blackbird, blackbird why do you sit and say There's no sunshine in store? All through the winter you hung around; Now I begin to feel homeward bound. Blackbird, blackbird gotta be on my way Where there's sunshine galore. Pack up all my care and woe. Here I go, singing low, Bye, Bye, blackbird. Where somebody waits for me - Sugar's sweet, so is she. Bye, Bye, blackbird. No one here can love and understand me. Oh, what hard luck stories they all hand me. Make my bed and light the light; I'll arrive late tonight. Blackbird, bye, bye. Bluebird, bluebird calling me far away, I've been longing for you. Bluebird, bluebird, this is my lucky day; Skies are turning to blue. I'm like a flower that's fading here, Where ev'ry hour is one long tear. Bluebird, bluebird, this is my lucky day. Now my dreams will come true. Pack up all my care and woe. Here I go, singing low, Bye, Bye, blackbird. Where somebody waits for me - Sugar's sweet, so is she. Bye, Bye, blackbird. No one here can love and understand me. Oh, what hard luck stories they all hand me. Make my bed and light the light; I'll arrive late tonight. Blackbird, bye, bye. (1926 by the American composer Ray Henderson and lyricist Mort Dixon )