Friday, December 14, 2012

Life In A Maze



Play this Maze before reading

Link : 迷宫人生 Life In A Maze Translated Article
This article is also available in Chinese at Blog Esa Yap @ Mini Documenatary Magazine.


When I was a kid, I used to be attending tuition class. I started my first tuition class at standard 3, studied English and Bahasa Malaysia course. My native language is Chinese language, so it would be lousy to learn an unfamiliar language at childhood times. My attention and interest flew to nowhere while teacher was teaching us. Day dreaming and remain silent as always, as if there weren’t any serious tuition class I ever attend.

Mrs. Lee was my teacher, she has a long straight hair and oval shape face, and the spectacles make her eyelid looks heavier. Mrs. Lee always smiling at her students while teaching us, no matter how hard to make us memorize some simple vocabulary or English grammar, she putted every effort to make us squeeze out our brain cells.

I was kind of stressed in learning English language. I always getting worst result compared to those Chinese students who speak and write English as their native language. It’s like they born to score English test and able to speak with anyone who communicate with universal language. So I was lost my enthusiasm in learning English. Whatever… It twists my tongue to speak foreign language that I wasn’t used to be.

One day, Mrs. Lee giving everyone a Maze paper. Unlike any Maze puzzle, this is much complicated with thinner path and high complexity! When I got the paper, I was nearly jumped up to play with the Maze paper. I was very excited that Mrs. Lee gave us a game to play with, I wish I could attend tuition class for playing Maze whole day long. So I tried to analyze the entry path and destination in Maze, I draw out every possibility line that connected to every single path, and then I draw out the sketch line from starting point as well. It wasn’t that tough, just draw out every possibility path, dots will be connected.

“Yeah!! I win! I WIN!!! Teacher I have found the exit!” I was so excited and shout out loud, at the same time I was peeping at those talented friends who still struggling to find the way out.
“Yong, do you know why you can make it?” Mrs. Lee asked me

“….. Why?.....” I asked back Mrs. Lee
“Why teacher? Why??” I asked her again.

Mrs. Lee didn’t answer my question, she just smiled at me.

No answer given for the question.
I am hardly remembering what Mrs. Lee taught me before, but I can’t get rid of the question that she asked. I feel like being placed into a larger Maze, Mrs. Lee’s question is my “starting point”, then she let me walk alone to find the answer by myself. I walked for so many years, keep solving the Mind Maze she gave me. What you can expect from a 9 years old kid? Lack of life experience, passive in studies, and easily influenced by entertainment. Unless the kid stands up and walk through the Maze. He must find the answer that solves the whole Mind Maze.

I feel like walking inside a huge Maze, the sky blue cloud is over my head. What surrounding me are full of brick walls, and few paths that I can choose to walk in. Turn Left? Turn Right? Moving backward? Going forward? No directions given to the exact Exit. Sometimes I keep walking and turning every corner, keep looking for the path towards Exit. Most of the time I walk into dead end, telling me to turn around and look for the alternative path. Trial and Error, this is how everyone describe this horrible walking process. Keep on trying and trying, the error message keeps popping out again and again.

Few years passed by, I became a secondary school student. I still couldn’t get rid of the Maze thing. It seems like growing up with me wherever I go, whether my mindset turned into Maze or I live my life inside an invisible huge Maze. Sometimes I stop walking through the Maze and stuck at somewhere, sometimes I just try few more paths and look for clues.

圆明园,Yuan Ming Yuan Park at Beijing, China
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The feelings is weird, it’s like I am living my life absolutely inside a Maze.
I started the Maze game since I was born by my beloved parent. When I was able to make decision and take care of myself, I was already at the middle of the Maze. There are so many paths that I can choose to walk with, but I do have an intuition that the Final Destination is hidden somewhere at the Huge Maze I’m living with. Ever since I was curious about what other paths lead to, my friends think that I’m a weirdo.

“How can you say something like that, are you running out of your mind?”
Well… I just suggest to my friends that perhaps the specific path that nobody taken may lead us to something. I don’t know what is that “something” means, but I do assume there is more possibility and secrets inside the Maze to be discovered with.

“Just stick to our path. The path we used to walk with for ages.”
My friends pointed at the dirty footsteps that step on specific path of Maze. It leaves a dark long line that tells us where we were coming from and where we should follow others to go with. My friends walking towards the footsteps that left behind by others, however I refused to follow them.

“Why don’t we try to discover something at another path? It’s just on our right side.” I asked
“You are a freak, you will be lost in this Maze if you dare to leave what our ancestors left. Our ancestors cannot be wrong, they have headed to the exit right away.” They humiliate

“How you even know they have found the Exit?
“Don’t you ever humiliate your own ancestor. They must be gone there for some reason” They left me behind afterwards.

I continued my lonely journey.
I feel ridiculous, it won’t hurt a bit if we try to walk into different path. If there are dead end awaits at front there, just turn around and go for the next hunch. Who knows we may found the “Exit”, the answer of whole Maze? I don’t stick with the common mindset and perceptions. Our time is limited to proceed towards destination, whether we would lose in the Maze or get stuck in nowhere.

“What are you guys doing at here?”
I saw a gang of people is drinking beer and laying their back on brick walls.

“Who cares about the so called Destination… We are feeling good by enjoying the beer… Let’s forget about the nonsense Destination and enjoy life. Do you want to take some beer with us?”

I passed by them silently.
They weren’t going to anywhere, getting stuck in the Maze and let their unconsciousness mind to deal with their so called “Nonsense Destination”. They assume there is no such thing as “Maze Destination”, at least they won’t even think about it.

I switch on my torchlight and look further into every single path. Sometimes the uneasy feeling scared me away, sometimes those people who put on a signboard before entry that written: “Strictly For VIP Members Only” is stopped me. Sometimes I cried alone and shout out for help. Sometimes I thought I just want to forget about the “Destination”. But my unknown intuition is keep leading me to every possibility that exist inside the Maze.

I keep shouting out for help.
Help me, show me the way, someone come and help me.

I keep walking.
I keep looking for unfamiliar path that nobody takes.

“Yong, do you know why you can make it?” Mrs. Lee asked me before
No answer given. Hush.

“Say something, Mrs. Lee” I was thinking “At least you will fulfill my question mark. Then I will be stop thinking about your question.”

Smile. Hush. Maze. Why. You. Can. Make. It?

The answer is not given, because you have to stand up and walk to the destination on your barefoot. I can tell you there is an Important Destination lying somewhere inside the Maze, but I won’t simply bring you to there. Alright, you must remember there is a Destination awaits for you coming. That’s all you should know.

The answer is not given, because you are not mentally disorder person. You are independent individual to look for the right path, seek for the answer, look for the path that walked by others, compare which path is the righteous, then you will be understand which path lead to your Final Destination.




I stopped and standing still.... 

What is the answer?


5 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Yup... Parable story able to describe complicated inner feeling.

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Walaikumsalam, thanks for reading, if interested with IDT please contact them.

      Delete
  3. صدر او قلب لله

    ReplyDelete

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